


Bends with Friendifits

by henclair



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Henry Laurens' A+ Parenting, M/M, Other, Unresolved Sexual Tension, lil bit of blood, not descriptive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-08
Updated: 2017-06-08
Packaged: 2018-11-11 10:51:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11146914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/henclair/pseuds/henclair
Summary: Alex hurts John more than ever expected. Now out of his presence John must deal with the fallout and his unrelenting crush on Alex.





	1. Chapter One

John felt betrayed, he felt destroyed, hurt, and devastated. 

He had been outed. Not by a random blank faced reporters or a homophobic classmate with a social media. 

He had been outed by his best friend. Alexander Hamilton, who also happened to be John’s crush. 

And if he had been smitten before it was gone now. Your homophobic father disowning you on twitter and being publicly shamed was a turn off.

So John waited for Alex to get back to their shared dorm. It had been only two hours ago that Alex had made the tweet that started it all, a few words on a retweet of an article discussing the rumor that started of John and Peggy Schuyler. John had seen the article, and it had said some pretty rude things about Peggy Schuler and her real significant other, John’s old fake girlfriend Martha Manning. Alex had retweeted it and added a link to an article HE wrote disproving it and a caption.

The caption read “John and Peggy are both gay, don’t ignore their identities.”

His father had liked it, he had seen it. And he had retweeted it, tagging him and saying these exact words, “Well he’s no son of mine any longer, no family of mine is allowed to be tainted like that.” And then John’s bank account had all the money left pulled out. Luckily John had hastily taken all the money he could before the inevitable fall out. His father’s wiki page no longer had him as eldest child, he was effectively disowned. 

Now his father was a piece of shit, and John was glad to be out, but he had no security net besides a rich french friend who could help him out occasionally. He had to get a job now, taking art commissions or working at a coffee shop. He had left the lap of luxury.

And his heart had been broken. And as hard as he tried to make his hate for Alex remove his feelings, they wouldn’t budge.

The door opened with a soft click and a sheepish and scared Alexander Hamilton walked into the room.

He’s gorgeous, John thought, before chastising himself. Not now gay thoughts, this is the guy who outed you, remember? But his feelings had other ideas as Alex walked over the where John was sitting hunched over on his bed. His heart fluttered as Alex sat down next to him and put a soft hand on his thigh, which normally would’ve made John a paralysed blushing mess, but not today.

“Don’t fucking touch me.” John spat, and Alex looking like a kicked puppy backed away. John sneered at him and Alex flinched. His voice was soft and wobbly when he spoke.

“You saw the article?” He phrased it as a question and that angered John even more.

“No shit I saw it!” John yelled, getting up to stand over Alex. “What did you think was gonna happen? It was gonna go unnoticed by me? By my dad?” John seethed. Alex moved back on the bed, John’s bed, a bit and opened his mouth to defend himself, but John cut him off.

“I thought we were friends.” John said simply and Alex’s eyes widened in fear, he began to speak and John didn’t cut him off but listened with disdain, thinly veiled.

“We are. I just thought that,” Alex paused before starting again, “I wasn’t thinking, I’m sorry it’s just I was so mad when they said that you and Peggy were dating.” John’s lips curled into a frown.

“That’s what you were upset about? Not the homophobic comments about Peggy and Martha? About them insinuating I was dating someone? Why do you fucking care?” John asked. He was yelling now and had no doubt whatever neighbors were in the dorm complex could hear him. But he didn’t care.

“I was fucking disowned Alex! My college is no longer payed for! I’m gonna have to drop out because I won’t be able to find a job, nobody wants a disowned gay puerto rican son of an asshole who has mediocre art skills!” Alex was trying to say something and John just didn’t fucking care anymore. 

“God dammit!” John slumped down onto the carpet, staring down at the shitty rug and dorm floor. He would have to leave this soon, and honestly he wouldn’t be able to bear it. This was his life and he had to walk away from it.

“John,” Alex was speaking softly, still on the bed, too scared to come down to John. “I, I just,” he took a deep breath, “I didn’t want people to think you were dating Peggy.” John laughed bitterly at that statement.

“And why’s that?” He asked, his tone laced with venom. Alex gulped.

“I. I wanted you to be dating me.” Alex whispered. 

John saw red.

“Oh?” He asked, getting up to tower over Alex once again. “You know what? Fuck you.” Alex recoiled at the way those words were spat. “You don’t get to say that and mess with my feelings like that. You must find it so funny to mess with me like that. Ha ha ha, John’s in love with his roommate who takes what he wants and doesn’t care about others feelings.” John clenched his hands into fists. 

“Don’t talk to me anymore, just leave. I don’t care where the fuck you go. Anywhere but here. You’re an asshole.” Alex looked devastated and through John’s haze he noticed the tears at the corner of his eyes. 

But his own tears were threatening to spill over.

Alex left silently.

John punched the wall as his tears began to fall again, the drywall cracking under his skin and ripping his knuckles. And god, he just didn’t care anymore. There wasn’t anything left too. Did Alex really think he would believe those words, and even if they were true would that get him off the hook for publicly outing him and helping him lose all his life help? Hell no. 

John left his hand to bleed.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath ft friends

John woke with a start, to the feeling of a warm washcloth going over his knuckles.

Blearily, he opened his eyes, the dry tears from yesterday cracking as he looked up to see who was taking care of him. Lafayette was standing over him, a look of sadness overcoming their features. John had half expected it to be Alex, coming back for another plea at friendship, and was unsure if he was relieved or sad that it wasn’t.

“John?” Lafayette asked, wiping the washcloth over the sensitive knuckles once again. “Are you awake?” John nodded at that, attempting to sit up, and falling back onto the bed. He wondered to himself when he fell asleep last night, the last thing he was able to remember being leaving is fist in the indentation in the drywall.

“Laf?” John yawned, cutting off the rest of his sentence. “How’d you know to come here?” John mumbled. Lafayette gave the freckled man a sad smile.

“Alex texted me,” John’s breath hitched at the mention of his name, last night’s pain still fresh in his mind. “He said you had a, falling down? Ah, falling out. He wanted me to check in with you, to make sure you were ok.” John smiled despite himself at the thought of Alex caring for him and worrying over him. He quickly schooled his features into a more neutral expression, not wanting to show the weakness that was soft around the edges.

“What happened, if it’s not overstepping your boundaries to ask?” Lafayette asked, continuing to scrub the blood off of his dried over knuckles and off the wall of the dorm room.

“Do you have a twitter?” John asked.

…

After fully explaining yesterday’s drama in detail, Lafayette was furious.

“Oh mon dieu,” they exclaimed, cuddling into John’s side, hugging him tightly. John assumed he was probably crying again because of the burning sting in his eyes. “J’adore Alexandre, but he is being an ass.” John nodded in agreement. “Would you like me to invite the others over? We could all watch a movie, if they aren’t busy.” John nodded.

“I’d like that.” He said hoarsely, before adding. “But don’t invite Alex please.” John felt bad about excluding Alex but he knew he wouldn’t be able to stand the sight of his gorgeous face just yet. John felt more than a little bit guilty as well about making such a big deal about this, his friends had lives and they shouldn’t have to drop everything to comfort John and his impending loss of money, schooling, and love. But when he thought of it that way, he figured it was actually probably a worse problem than he thought.

Lafayette sent off a quick group text to their chat, before grabbing the remote to the crappy dorm TV and turning on Cartoon Network. 

Cartoon Network between his friends meant that somebody seriously needed some childlike wonder to bring their mood up, so the minute his friends stepped over the threshold they understood what he needed. John became a blanket cocoon with his friends arranged in a protective circle around him. Someone brought cookies and so they all were chewing slowly, unsure of whether or not to broach the conversation about what happened.

It was Angelica who brought it up.

“So what’s the reason for todays pity party?” She asked, looking towards John and Lafayette, the latter tilting his head in silent question at John. John nodded slowly still munching on the chewy cookie, Lafayette launching into an explanation of what happened.

“So our ami Alexandre posts on twitter a response to an article claiming that Margarita and John are dating. The article said some nasty things about miss Schuyler’s actual significant other so Alex disputes it with an essay as per usual, but his response outs them both. John’s dad sees it and disowns him on twitter,” the group gasps and Lafayette continues their explanation, “and his account at the bank has been pulled. Now Alex is staying somewhere else for a while.” There are small murmurs around the group, and John can see the Schuyler’s are all very upset, despite the fact Peggy has been out for years. 

“We shouldn’t exclude him, but I don’t want him around me for now. I still care about him, but he’s not welcome here.” John pipes up, voice hoarse from crying. Someone pauses the episode they’re watching.

“Is there anything we can do?” Hercules asks, putting his large hands on John’s back comfortingly. John shakes his head, unsure if there’s anything they can do besides be there for him. Mulligan smiles sadly and rubs John’s back as he sniffles. 

The group lapses into silence. 

Eliza and Peggy are holding hands, and Angelica has a protective arm around them both. Hercules and Lafayette are holding hands, with their other hands on John’s back and head. Maria is there as well, but she is sitting on the corner of the bed, unsure of where to fit in the situation.

“I told him I like him.” John says suddenly, everybody turning to him in surprise. “I snapped at him after he said that he was angry that the fact it insinuated I was dating someone because he wanted to be dating me.” John’s breath hitches. “And I snapped. Like I would believe that argument, just because I’m head over heels doesn’t mean I’m immune to his bs.” He took a deep breath, suddenly overwhelmed. “I mean seriously, when was he gonna tell me that he knew about my huge crush on him. Or was he just going to keep it to himself until a situation like this where he could use it against me and manipulate my feelings.” John deflated, his feelings washing over him like a tide. 

Eliza spoke up, her soft voice with a comforting softness. “Maybe he meant it John.” John scowled, yeah right. Eliza frowned at his expression, and spoke again, her tone a little more hard this time. “I’m serious. How do you know he was lying?” 

“Because how could he love me?” John cried out. Eliza looked a bit taken aback at his outburst.

“I’m me! I’m John! I’m a gay puerto-rican southerner with no more family left, a shitty art style and an obsession with turtles. I have a cocktail of mental disorders and can’t make decisions to save my life. He’s a force of nature and I’m some windblown stranger in his path! He’s not going to stop for me!” The others looked at him with worry.

“Do you really believe that?” Lafayette asked, petting John’s hair lightly. “Mon petite tortue, I don’t think you’re giving yourself enough credit.” All his friend’s chimed in in agreement with Lafayette’s argument.

“Don’t worry John. If he doesn’t love you already, which let me tell you he does,” Peggy did a really bad stage whisper for the last part making John give out a wet chuckle. “He would be falling immediately if you just took off your shirt.” John blushed furiously, sure he was in good shape but it wasn’t that good shape.

“Peggy!” Angelica exclaimed horrified and the sister in question just shrugged, a cheeky grin on her face. 

“Hey, he’s my fake boy-toy it’s ok.” Leave it to Peggy to make light of the situation.

The group lapsed back into silence, and Mulligan turned the show back on. They all settled back down, and a blanket was grabbed by Eliza to be spread over her and Maria, who blushed and tentatively cuddled into the other girls side. John smiled at that, and his mind, against his wishes mind you, longed for Alexander to cuddle up against him. He knew what Eliza said was probably wise, but he still couldn’t believe that there was a possibility Alex liked him back. He had been pining for so long he forgot what requited was.

And if he fell asleep envisioning the other man’s soft arms around his stomach, nobody needed to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahh it gets better!! i lvoe marliza but we not gonna see it in this fic, :((((  
> hmu on my writing only tumblr writinginmysparetime or on my personal floralconversesations  
> kudos if you wish!


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John has some time to think and finds crucial information

John fell asleep right about when the channel turned to adult swim, and he slept until the next day. Slowly but surely all the people filed out of the room, Laf and Mulligan heading to their own dorm conversing quietly and holding hands. The Schuyler’s went back to their shared dorm, and Maria went to her own lonely one, staring at Eliza as she walked away.

John had a fitful sleep, his mind plagued with nightmares about his father. When he woke with a start it was to the silence of his dorm room, no click clacking of Alex’s keyboard and no light whistle from the well worn coffee pot.

He got up slowly and moved languidly to the kitchen, hip checking an open drawer and grabbing a chipped mug. The mug was plain and John watched the coffee maker drip coffee into the mug, mixing it with creamer and sugar after the machine beeped. Blowing over the top of the mug John walked back into the main room holding the mug in his good hand, looking over to Alex’s side and seeing his computer open.

John’s curiosity peaked and he figured a small look couldn’t hurt. He clicked lightly on the touchpad, careful of his bandaged hand. The computer whirring to life and the light blinding John, who was probably missing class and hadn’t left the room in basically a day and a half. The computer’s screen was open to spotify, Alexander’s headphones laying on the bed plugged into the jack. There was a playlist open, not showing the title, but showing the songs.

Looking through the long list of songs, John realized with a start that they were all love songs. That left a sour taste in his mouth, he was jealous of whoever this playlist was for. Taking a large sip of coffee to get rid of the sour, he burned his tongue and John yelped, moving backward with a start, his hand jerking up the touchpad with the sudden hot sensation of a few drips of coffee spilling onto his good hand.

Looking over to check on the computer, John’s heart stopped. The playlist was private and it was titled “my dearest, john” What the fuck. This was not real. He clicked settings and turned off private, going onto his own phone and searching it, adding the playlist to his saved. John moved slowly, picking back up his coffee cup from where he put it on the rug and sitting on his own bed.

One of his blankets he had stolen from Alexander and it smelled like the other man’s honey shampoo. John wrapped himself in it and plugged in his own headphones, playing Alex’s playlist and drinking his coffee listening to the crooning, female voice over the speakers. She sang softly and John could feel the heartbreak emanating from her heart, and wondered when Alex had found the time to make a mix as long as this one, almost a hundred songs on the playlist. He sat like that for a while, just listening as the playlist switched from one song to another, to another, each one about love and longing, but some more cheery.

He wanted Alex to be there so they could talk, so they could work it out, but the prospect of him was so unrealistic in John’s mind that he made no effort to move.

When he did move it was to check Alex’s computer again, there were many tabs open and John disregarded the ones he knew were classwork or work for Washington, Alex’s boss. There was a bookmark folder titled ‘my dearest’ and John took a look. He felt guilty about looking through his best friend’s computer, but his curiosity was insatiable. 

There was the spotify playlist linked at the top, along with a few more playlists that Alex had made. One was a more general love one, and one was called ‘pining more than trees’, to which John snickered. There was also four links to google docs, one called ‘poems for dearest’, one called ‘stories for dearest’, the third one titled ‘ramblings about dearest’, and a final one called ‘if you find this.’ 

John opened ‘if you find this.’

John read it all.

“If you find this John just let me tell you first of all I’m so sorry.

I have fallen for John Laurens, and I have fallen hard. There is no rational explanation for this, besides the way he catches light and can make me feel like nothing before. I loved Eliza once, and I love John now, but unlike Eliza, I don’t think I can get rid of this. He is so wonderful, the way he smiles, and his freckles that I want to kiss every single one of. His hair that looks like spun sugar and escapes everywhere, making me want to pull it back for him. Occasionally I see him shirtless, or mid changing and my heart stops short. How can someone hide their lean, toned figure under all those layers? It’s simply a tragedy. His hands are large and talented, and his voice is smooth like the honey I love. He moves languidly, and when he licks his lips I short circuit. I am unable to explain all I love about him in this one document, he deserves palaces out of paragraphs, and I can only make shacks.

I am in love with the sunshine boy, all warm browns like a bookstore with a fireplace during winter.” John read aloud, his breath hitching. 

Alex really did love him, Eliza was right. It wasn’t a fluke. It wasn’t unresolved pinning, it could be requited. John’s heart soared and he sat rereading it, before moving back to his own bed to think and grin, his cheek muscles taut.

In about an hour, his stomach started to growl, and his ears were slightly sore. 

Moving up and waltzing into the kitchen, John unplugged his earbuds and popped them out of his ears. He slid in front of the fridge, pulling it open and letting the cool air wash over his face. His face was tacky from dried tears, and he felt grimy and gross, resolving to shower after eating.

“Now let’s see what we have here.” John said, his voice cracking from disuse. He found a few pieces of pineapple and some days old pizza, putting the pizza into the microwave and munching happily on the fruit. 

I should talk to Alex, he thought, blowing on the pizza to cool it off from the microwave. His overthinking mind went through many scenarios, each one more horrifying than the last as he ate. Shaking his head, John attempted to dispel those thoughts reminding himself that Alex was in love with him. Before hopping into the bathroom and grabbing his towel.

Before he jumped into the shower to wash off the tears and grime from the couple of days in the apartment, he shot out a quick text to Alex.

J.Lau: We need to talk, @ our apartment in 20 minutes  
A.Ham: I’ll be there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one was my favorite to write, it felt so nice and warm  
> floralconversesations is my personal tumblr, writinginmysparetime is my writing one  
> check me out :)


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finale

Alex walked in when John was just coming out of the shower, his towel slung low around his waist, water still dripping from his hair down his back and front in rivulets. John stopped, and Alex stuttered in the doorway, not so subtly looking John over.

“So!” Alex squeaked, his face beet red. “What did you want to talk about?” John sighed.

“Give me one moment, I need to change first.” John said, turning around and walking to grab a set of clothes. As he toweled off, his back facing Alex he felt the shorter man’s gaze almost burning his skin with intensity as he watched him change. John didn’t mind the gaze, his stomach filled with butterflies at the excitement of knowing Alex was enjoying watching him.

When he was done changing, he turned around to see Alex still flushed red and standing still, knuckles white. John snickered slightly at the strained look on his friend’s face. 

“So.” John said, sitting down on his bed and patting the space next to him. “Let’s talk.” Alex sat down hesitantly, he looked on edge. For good reason, last time they had seen each other John had punched the wall and was very violent.

“I’m sorry I snapped at you Alex, I was very distressed. What you did was wrong, what you did was very stupid, you obviously didn’t think about it before you did it. I know I shouldn’t have snapped and we shouldn’t have isolated you, it’s unhealthy.” John said, his hands gesturing slightly in nervousness. Alex nodded, looking ashamed.

“I know I wasn’t thinking, but I really, really meant it when I said that I wrote it only because I didn’t want anyone to think you were dating anybody but me, because I’m so, so sorry, but I’m in love with you.” Alex looked distressed and John’s heart broke for the smaller man. But it was so nice to hear those words come out of Alex’s mouth.

“I know.” John said solemnly and Alex freaked out.

“What? How?” He nearly screamed, John patted him and tried to calm him down, but the other man was still breathing heavily.

“It’s ok Alex, I’m not mad.” He almost laughed at the absurdity of him being mad that Alex was in love with him. “God no, like the opposite. I’ve been in love with you for so long Alex, so long and so when you said that you wanted to be dating me I didn’t think it was real, I thought you had found out about my crush on you and were using me. I never ever thought my feelings would be requited.” John said, rushing to get all the words out. “And then I found your playlist on you computer and all your notes and shit to me, and Alex.” Alex looked embarrassed, turning his head down meekly. 

“Alex, I love you too.” He said breathlessly. He tilted Alex’s head up and stared into the other man’s eyes, the sharp cutting look in them. Alex’s breath hitched and they both leaned in, the time seeming to stop and the universe revolving around them.

Alex finally closed the distance between them in one fell swoop. Alex’s lips were chapped, like he had been licking them, a nervous habit John had noticed. He smelled even more like the honey of his shampoo up close and it was intoxicating. The kiss was long and stretched out, and John was unsure of when he slipped his tongue into Alex’s mouth tasting of coffee but when he did they both grasped for something to hold onto, Alex holding John's collar and John holding Alex’s shirt on his back.

They broke apart, faces flushed and John began to laugh and cry. Alex looked put on spot and John pulled them back together again, pecking the shorter man on the lips and leaning his forehead on Alex’s. Alex began to cry then, the tears streaming down his face as well and the boy’s just sat leaning on each other and letting the stress drain out.

“I love you John Laurens.” Alex said quietly and John’s heart leaped.

“I love you too Alexander.” He said back. He finally said it, and it felt great as Alex’s lips brushed his once more, capturing his full attention and letting him be captivated in the moment. The two were in love, they were in love. They loved each other. 

John couldn’t wrap his head around the fact, not until he let his sleepy head lean on Alex’s and fell out of consciousness, the last thing he saw being the head of Alexander Hamilton, the man who had outed him. 

And now the man who loved him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay!!!!!!! sorry for the posting spam, this is the last finished fic/oneshot, but i've got some more to spam so watch your feeds lmao  
> as always, tumblr is writinginmysparetime for just writing and floralconversesations for personal  
> kudos and comments always make my day! literally

**Author's Note:**

> itll get better i promise  
> writinginmysparetime on tumblr (or if u want the personal one floralconversesations)  
> hit me with that sweet, sweet, feedback


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